[A Mama's Quiet Moments] How processing the birth of my last baby led me to a life changing perspective shift

Have you ever found comfort in the thoughts that come to you in the quiet moments of motherhood?

In part one of this series of A Mama's Quiet Moments, I share how recording my raw & candid thoughts in the early days of my 3rd postpartum journey served as an emotional anchor. And quickly led me to a shift in perspective of how I could fully experience the beauty and unexpected twists and turns of life.

I extend a heartfelt invitation to reflect on the impermanence of motherhood's precious experiences. I challenge myself and you to be fully present and to try and find gratitude and intention in every moment of our lives.

Thank you so much for listening in! If anything in this episode resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you left a review or shared it with a friend or on social media.

And don't forget to tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me get the word out.

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Podcast account - @thrivelikeamother.podcast

Personal account - @thrive.empowered

Sending you light and love always!

Chapters

• 0:01 Mama's Quiet Moments Series Introduction
• 5:38 Voice memo to self days after the birth of my 3rd baby
• 8:24 How processing the birth of my last baby led me to a life changing perspective shift
• 14:37 How can we be more present and intentional with living every experience to the fullest
• 17:05 Conclusion and encouragement in motherhood

Transcript

Ebony Fleming: 0:01

Oh, deep breath. Welcome, loves, to part one of a very special series for the Thrive Like a Mother podcast, a Mama's Quiet Moments.

Ebony Fleming: 0:13

This series was born out of a need that I had after having my third baby, Henry. Really, before having him. I f you've been here for a while, I'd been doing a lot of inner work on myself and really finding different ways that resonated with me to either express myself or just have an outlet for those hundreds of tabs that are often open in a mama's brain. One of those ways was journaling. But obviously, after having him via c-section at the very end of February, I found myself in a moment where I was just having a little bit more difficulty now having either both or one of my hands just occupied either just taking care of him and snuggling just this tiny new little person. But I also found with my my head just filled with so many thoughts that wanted to get out, so many things. And, with this being my third and my final pregnancy and my final baby, a lot of those moments I felt I was like I have to... obviously, if I can't, I can't journal these out, I need to find a different way that works for me to get these thoughts out to hold on to them. These thoughts to hold on to dearly, either just for myself or when any of my little souls decide that they want to have children of their own. And so that's where I started doing voice memos.

Ebony Fleming: 2:01

I found myself, while he was either sleeping or when I had a moment to myself, just hitting record on a voice memo and just recording as I would write, but using, you know, my spoken voice. And gosh, this first one that I did, I tell y'all it was literally days after I had him, and this first one, it just spilled out of me and even as I was recording it, I knew that I wanted this somehow... maybe not all of them, because some of them are a little bit more personal and close to my heart, but I knew that some of them would in some way inspire other mamas or give them that reminder that I always try to share with you here on this podcast, on this platform, that you are not alone. And that's where this series was born a mama's quiet moments. And this is part one of a short series.

Ebony Fleming: 3:10

Um, this very first one that I just spoke about, like I said, I recorded it days after having him. Um, I believe I was still in the hospital, um, and at some point I'll share my birth story and maybe the days after having him or that week after having him. Some of the things that we encountered that I, yeah, I kind knew what what to expect, but there were some things that I could not expect or prepare for that we went through very early in my postpartum journey.

Ebony Fleming: 3:56

And so here's part one. Like I said, I hope that this, this entire series, but I hope this episode, um just speaks to a mama in a way that you know, they know that they're not the only one thinking these things in the quiet moments, then you're not the only one with these things in your head. You know wanting to burst out. And so here it is. These are, like I said, very, very close to my heart. I would love it if any of the, any parts of this series or any episodes obviously resonate with you, or if you just want to talk more about a topic. Like I said, this is about letting you know that you're not alone, and so I am here. I mean that with the utmost sincerity. Hop in my DMs, send me a message, anything at all if you are needing support or just a listening ear. But welcome to the series and I hope you enjoy.

Ebony Fleming: 5:38

An episode about going into your final pregnancy and the birth of your final baby, someone who grew from a tiny bunch of atoms, into a tiny little person inside of you for months, and so the episode should be about really looking at life in that way, kind of embracing things, as if it would be the last time really fully allowing yourself to feel and experience things, whether they be feelings of fear, feelings of joy or memories that you want to hold dear. Just how can we look at the experience of having your last baby as an example of how you should kind of follow or give yourself guidelines on how you should experience life itself?

Ebony Fleming: 6:57

When I said that these episodes, these snippets, these voice memos would be very near and dear to my heart. I meant that. I recorded that on March 1st, I was still in the hospital with baby boy. Both of us were recovering going through some very unexpected twists and turns in the very first steps of becoming a mama of three. And I sat there really in awe and in wonder as I realized that my baby boy, baby number three, was now earth side, and I realized how fast things could change. How fast you could experience things in life and not even realize sometimes that it's happening. And so I want to share some thoughts to really focus in and leave you with something tangible that you can take away from today's episode. First of all, I am eight months in now to that first year. Still can't even believe it now. As I'm saying, eight months in with Mr Henry and still every single day, just really savoring every single second with him.

Ebony Fleming: 8:24

If you follow me on social media, then you know I made the decision when I went back into corporate, my corporate job, to keep him at home with me because I could not bear losing not a second of time with him, and I'm so, so grateful that I am in the position I am today, to be in a workplace, in a work setting that I have that flexibility. Is it easy? Heck, no, y'all. You know, there are days that I wonder is this really what I want to be doing? And then I remember why. I remember that I want to experience every single part of this first year with him because it will be my last first year. And so when I recorded this voice memo, I wanted to convey to you guys, of course, what I'm feeling. Maybe you're a mama, too, and this is your last pregnancy, whether chosen or not, last pregnancy, or last little one that you've just recently delivered into the world, and you're feeling a lot of things right. Me too. I found myself asking my mom because I was the baby of the family, I was her last little one. I found myself asking her, like mom, how did you process and navigate these emotions? How did you get through this? Because this is hard, like there are moments where I am so joyful in the moments I get to share with him, and there are other things that I'm like wow, you are growing up and I feel like I can barely hang on to every single second. And so I want to convey to you guys how, a challenge really, how can we in our lives now, today, how can we embrace and experience everything in our life as if it would be the last time that we'd be experiencing it? Whether that be a struggle, a fear anything. I swear when you start to look at life in that perspective... this shift happened for me where I started to experience, I think, life to the fullest. Now, in my 30s I'm 32, turning 33 next year I am looking at life and looking at my relationships and looking at my decisions and my choices and the priorities that I'm making in my life. I'm looking at those in a different lens.

Ebony Fleming: 10:59

Okay, I'm going to go with an example here first, that's motherhood related, because here we are, we're on Thrive Like a Mother, right? So, I want to talk about your baby's feeding journey and that this goes along with... I know, with breastfeeding, it's like, whether you're chest feeding or pumping and giving your baby a milk through a bottle or your formula feeding, right, whatever choice you decided to make to feed your baby, all of it is still very emotional as you're going through this first year. Because you realize, at a certain point, the y start to learn how to, they start to learn, need to learn how to eat solids. And slowly, this main source of nutrition, this connection point that you've had with them whether you're breastfeeding them or feeding them a bottle, this connection piece that you have, where they're looking into your eyes, you're nourishing your baby. There's something so special about sitting in that and realizing that you never know really when the last time is going to be, the last time. We can predict sometimes.

Ebony Fleming: 12:19

We can infer that if they start to drop feedings or they start to pick up eating more solids, we can sometimes know. And sometimes, sometimes, sometimes... for my mamas, i f you've ever experienced this, I'm giving you the biggest hug ever. There's some times where they decide out of nowhere because, remember, our babies are little people of their own they decide that they no longer want to breastfeed or drink from a bottle or anything, and they are, you know, not going on strike, but they've decided that that is the end of their journey where you are needing to feed them. And it can be a shock sometimes, as a mama, if you weren't expecting it, and I don't think any of us ever are expecting the last time. Like I said, you can infer, you can gauge when that might be, but even still...

Ebony Fleming: 13:17

Can you be prepared? No, but can you go into every single feeding and experience it and just embody it as a whole? Just embody that experience as a whole, can you do that every single time that you're feeding your baby? So that no matter when the last time is the last time, you know... yes there's going to be, sorrow in it, but you know that you fully, fully experienced that moment with them and nothing can take that away. That moment that is set in time, that is that moment that you've had with them over and over again, over however long you breastfeed or bottle feed your little one. And so how can we, how can we do that in life? Right, because there are things in life that we're going to have to go through. Maybe we think are monotonous or we view it as not something, something we take for granted. Right?

Ebony Fleming: 14:37

I was trying to think of an example here in life and I am really thinking about, hmm, the way I approach taking a walk. A nd this is going to sound crazy and wild, but when you are taking a walk, you never know the earth, guys, let's be real here you never know when the last time will be the last time for anything. So, if we take that mindset and we're taking a walk maybe we're doing this daily, maybe not, but if we are taking a moment to fully lock in and be present in that moment and fully experience that walk and you see where I'm going here that walk, that journey, even experiencing that walk and maybe we don't know, or that journey and we don't know that it's the last time we can sit in, knowing and being confident that we took time to smell the flower that maybe we haven't smelled before, or just take a deep breath of the fresh air, or take a moment to listen to the birds and the sound of the trees and the leaves rustling in the wind. Why can't we do that with everything that we experience in life? Even now, as I'm sitting here recording, I am sitting fully, I feel like I am just... I am here, I am present with you guys, I am focused and I want you to, I want to challenge you to try to start looking at everything in your life as that, even as something as simple as brushing your teeth, can you sit in that moment and really just fully experience that you are taking care of yourself, taking care of your body, you are giving yourself self-care, right? Can we look at everything in life, the small things that we do that we think are small"? Right? Can we look at those things and think of them as the last time that we might experience them? Because honesty, y'all, we never, we never know.

Ebony Fleming: 17:05

And as I was sitting here in this hospital, in this hospital, this word came to me and I said I've got to share this with my listeners, with my mamas, because I'm sure that some of us are all thinking the same things. We never know when the last time will be the last time. So let's take a chance that we have in life to experience it really, really to the fullest. And I want to leave you with that deep breath. It's going to be okay, mama, it is, and y'all I know that there are a lot of feelings with the last baby in the last pregnancy, and that's why I'm sharing this, because I didn't know I would be sitting here feeling these things, um, with him being my last, and yet I am.

Ebony Fleming: 18:00

And yet I know that there are so many other mamas who are feeling the same. And even if it's not with your last pregnancy, maybe are you just feeling, you know how quickly time can go by with um, any little one, any little one. You never know when the last time of this journey of motherhood is going to be the last time as they're growing up so, so fast.

Ebony Fleming: 18:28

Thank you so much for listening. Loves, if anything in today's episode resonated with you, share it with your bestie or on social media, and don't forget to tag me so we can chat about it. As always, I'm sending you light and love and remember you are worthy, you are enough and you deserve to thrive. Talk to you soon.