Thrive Like a Mother Podcast
I'm Ebony and I'm a mama to 3 beautiful souls. I'm learning how navigate my trauma healing while building the life I never dreamed was possible. I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and for the longest time, I believed that if anyone knew my story, I wouldn't be worthy of love. Many years later and now I know that it far from the truth.
On the Thrive Like a Mother podcast, I'll share the resources and tools I use on the daily to cultivate a healthy mindset break the wheel of survival. Here we're about honesty and transparency. Because at the root of it all, my purpose in creating this podcast is so that you know you are never alone in your journey.
There may be laughter, there may be tears and we'll do it all by linking arms and learning to thrive together.
Thrive Like a Mother Podcast
Reclaiming your power quill by quill with Deborah Weed
What happens when we give away our power, quill by quill, in search of acceptance and love? The journey back to self-worth becomes the ultimate act of courage and creativity.
Deborah Weed's story stopped me in my tracks. After spending three years bedridden with excruciating pain from an undiagnosed condition (later discovered to be a grapefruit-sized fibroid tumor), she emerged transformed—not just physically, but with a profound understanding of self-worth that changed everything.
"Nobody can take your power from you," Deborah reveals, sending chills down my spine. "We give our power away quill by quill because we think that we're going to have somebody love us." This revelation became the foundation for Paisley the Musical, her Broadway-scale creative project featuring a porcupine fashion designer who sacrifices her quills to please others.
For those struggling through grief, trauma, or loss, Deborah offers wisdom earned through suffering: feel your emotions fully rather than suppressing them. "When you feel something fully, whether it be the despair, the pain, whatever it may be... it dissipates," creating space for creativity and healing to flow.
Perhaps most inspiring is her "why not?" philosophy. At a stage when many would settle, Deborah embraces ambitious dreams with "no budget, all heart," reminding us that creativity unexpressed will cause pain either way.
Ready to reclaim your quills and rewrite your story? Listen in as Deborah and I explore what it truly means to thrive like a mother.
Connect with Deborah on Instagram @Deborah.weed. Visit paisleysfashionforest.com to learn more about Paisley the Musical or selfworthinitiative.net to join the movement to help women reclaim their power and self-worth.
Thank you so much for listening in! If this episode spoke to you, it would mean the world to me if you left a review or shared it with a friend. And don’t forget to tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me spread the word.
Follow and chat with me on Instagram:
Podcast account - @thrivelikeamother.podcast
Personal account - @thrive.empowered
Sending you light and love always!
Hey, love, I'm Ebony and welcome to Thrive Like a Mother On this podcast. We're scared for our truth, but that fear is what fuels us to truly live in it. You're in the right place if you feel like you're stuck in survivor mode and you're ready to step into who you were truly meant to be. I'll share resources and tools I use daily to help you in your journey towards a healthier mindset and to break the wheel of survival. The journey may not be easy, but you won't have to face it alone. I'm a mama of three, healing day by day from past trauma, and I'm on a mission to build a life I've always dreamed of but never thought was possible. So, love, if you're ready to believe in what's possible, let's link arms and thrive together. Hey, loves, and welcome to another episode of the Thrive Like a Mother podcast.
Speaker 1:I am very, very excited for our special guest that we have on today. Today we have Debra Weed on, and she is the founder of the Self-Worth Initiative and the powerhouse behind the Close Up Movement and Paisley the Musical, which is a bold rallying cry for women to reclaim their power, creativity and their self-worth. And after rising from three years of being bedridden, Debra's story y'all is one of deep reinvention, and now she's helping others rise from rejection, betrayal and burnout, and her message y'all it is about taking your quills back and rewriting your story. Today we're going to dig all into really reclaiming your power as a mother, how to storytell through art, and how fashion, music and mindset can spark healing, and I am so honored and excited to have you on with us today, Debra. I really just want to jump in because I know you have so much wisdom for our listeners. Can you tell me a little bit about what season of life you're in right now?
Speaker 2:Season of life. Thank you so much, ebony. That was a beautiful introduction, by the way. The season of life. I'm in the season of life, like go for anything. I think after you've been knocked down so many times, it's like why not? So I guess my season is, why not? You know?
Speaker 1:why not go for the?
Speaker 2:big, over-the-top dream, even at my age, being a grandma, you know why not just put it all out there and see what happens.
Speaker 1:Yes, because you truly never know. You truly never know at all and I want you to. I want to touch on building Paisley the musical because, like as you said, you know at your age, like people may be watching and saying, wow, she's like, she's going for it, like you said, why why not? Can you talk about how Paisley the musical was about?
Speaker 2:how Paisley the Musical was Absolutely. It actually started with me giving away my quills or my power. So let me tell you that I was. I needed a protagonist, something or somebody who would really, really emphasize the whole idea of giving one's power away, because one of the things that I feel with all my heart is we don't get stuck because of fear. We get stuck because we've given away our power, quill by quill. So for me, porcupine was the perfect protagonist, because porcupines are supposed to put their back to the world. They're supposed to put their quills up for protection.
Speaker 2:But what if you had this porcupine who dreams of being a fashion designer in the animal fashion world, quills away almost like pins, like a walking talking pin cushion to make other animals feel good about the couture designs from Zivana the diva. So when I created this story at first, it was like, okay, I'm going to do a children's story for children to believe in themselves, using these characters in this storyline. And I wrote Paisley's Last Quilt and it got all five stars and the mothers were like. Some of the mothers were like, oh, my little girl, she's sleeping with a book. She loves this so much and this story is for us. It's for us.
Speaker 2:So many women came back to me saying this. I was like ding ding ding ding.
Speaker 2:I had always done musicals with a self-worth initiative. Why not go for something to the scale of Wicked, with no budget, all heart, and see how far I could take this? So I've been working on the music, working on the actual book or the whole thing, so that I can bring this story to life and really, really emphasize the whole idea of giving one's power away and reclaiming it, especially as a creative, because so many times as a creative, because so many times the creative, we're giving things away because somebody has a better idea or somebody you know they have a bigger title or they have more followers, or whatever it might be, and so that's what I'm focusing on. You know, when I watch Wicked or look at that, you know, when I first went there I was like, oh my gosh, this is like speaking to me, the songs, and it's just like so rich.
Speaker 2:So I love magical realism and the time is now because you know, body image for women and things that are going on within the fashion industry. You know, within the fashion industry, you know and, by the way, this was before, way before Devil's Wear products coming out for season two it's like, oh my gosh, I can't believe they're doing that at the same time, because this, when I started this, it was all the way in 2017.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:To give you a, for instance, wow.
Speaker 1:And that's a major too. No-transcript out right.
Speaker 2:Well, I get it. Wow, With that question I get a little emotional because I think it really does come up for all of us, right? I truly believe that divine spirit comes in us and it drops an idea and then it's up to us whether we're going to take it forward. If we've been given that guidance and that idea, it's for us to do or we'll see somebody else do it. And there's so many reiterations of the same thing, like I didn't come up with my idea because I saw the Devil Wears Prada or any of the other things. I came up with it because I needed a symbol, I need a protagonist In the fashion world for me. You know the whole idea with women being judged by what we wear and how that looks and all the outside stuff, when so many influencers they're committing suicide Ebony because they don't have self-worth inside of them, inside of them.
Speaker 2:So, to answer your question very, very specifically, if you've got something that's being birthed in you, if you don't give birth to it, it's gonna hurt anyway.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's true, that is so true. And I'm getting chills too because I am very much in my season of birthing, so many things, really figuring out what my purpose is and making sure I stay on that path and thrive like a mother. I mean, that's a part of it. There was a point especially after I had my son and my listeners know this I took a break and you know, sometimes breaks are necessary, but then you feel that tug, you have to, you have to, you have to, or it's just going to get very uncomfortable. You choose your uncomfortableness. Which one do you want, Right?
Speaker 2:And you have to think of it also this way Creativity is an energy force. It's an energy force and so often we push down all the things that hurt us, bother us, we just you know, and that gets stuck inside of us and and creativity is like this, this almost like think of it as rain comes through us and then, if we can let it flow out, to think of what we're nourishing in the world. But if we keep it inside and we're like, oh gosh, you know what, if I fail, what?
Speaker 2:if this doesn't work. What if, what if? What if, what if? And you don't do it, you're still going to be in pain, you're going to have a regret. So do you want a regret yes or do you want to learn how to pivot effectively? I have had to pivot so many times in my life to reinvent myself, to figure out what that looks like. Sometimes you're on a road and then you do get. You get this far and it's like so many obstacles, but this one. But I learned this from a conversation, whatever it might be.
Speaker 2:Now I'm going in this direction. It's just getting on the road.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, yeah, you do, you do have to. Just you have to at least try the what ifs just keep you in that that limbo. So I want to, I want to chat about your specific story of illness and betrayal and rising against rising again. Basically, how does that mirror the journey of Paisley?
Speaker 2:I think this is you caught me. You caught me Autobiographical, really. So for me, I had a mystery illness and actually this has happened three times, but I'll tell you the big one and I went. I was in so much pain it felt like I was giving birth every day. That's how bad the pain was. No-transcript had is what they said that I had, but no two doctors agreed. So under these circumstances I lost so much of my power.
Speaker 2:I was devastated because for so long I was wanting to be heard, and not only wasn't I heard, but I started to doubt. Because of what they were saying, I started to doubt my own what was going on?
Speaker 1:Well, maybe it is, I don't know I feel like I'm dying.
Speaker 2:What was going on? Well, maybe it is, I don't know. I feel like I'm dying. But and then my family, who I love. You know, when you're not getting two doctors or three doctors to say the same thing, then what the heck is going on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so during this time I came up with my first like story. I mean, I've done a lot of stories ever since I was 16. I've been doing productions and musicals and all kinds of things, but I came up with the first story that was important to me and it was about a penny. I learned that a penny, a 1943 pure copper penny, could be worth a million dollars. And I was like, well, wait a minute, I'm in bed feeling pretty darn worthless. If a penny which is supposedly worthless could be worth a million dollars, what does that mean for me? So that got me going. At least it kept me from here to there, because when I was in that hole, despair, whatever you would want to call it there were so many times I wanted to call it quits, but creativity was the thing that kept me in the game, because I'm using, even in bed, I'm using my imagination. Even in bed, I'm dreaming of things to come. So that's where I started the self-worth initiative. I later learned that what was going on is I had a fibroid tumor the size of a grapefruit. It was behind my uterus. My iron was between a three and a six, depending on when they took it. The doctor who found it said I should have been dead for probably I don't even know how long I should have been dead. And then I had to have the hysterectomy and came back as the founder of the Self-Worth Initiative.
Speaker 2:Because here's what I learned. Well, that big story for this. Okay, so this is the nugget right here. I learned that self-esteem and self-worth were tremendously different. Most events in society go for self-worth. I mean for self-esteem. Sorry, it's like I did this great thing. Now I believe in myself. Wow, look at this. Let me tell you about what I did. Let me tell you about what I did. Oh, let me tell you more about what I did, because that makes me feel good about myself.
Speaker 2:But let's say you can't do something good. Let's say that there's nothing there that you can say I did this and I did that. Let's say you're stuck in bed with COVID, long-term COVID or whatever it is. Where is the self-worth? Self-worth is. We claim it, we say how much we're worth and why yes, and that is so that that whole experience was the first thing to really change my entire life and I decided from then on out I was going to get out there and make a difference for every person that I could, to tell them how much they're worse At least it's easy for me to see, but to also have other people claim it with me. But to also have other people claim it with me and you know I started my story to move to Paisley, which was another challenge that made me want to share. You must reclaim your power, no matter what so powerful gosh Debra.
Speaker 1:So good, so good. I to okay, you ended right on the perfect note because I want to talk now about mothers. Like what does it mean for us, as mothers, to take our quilts back? Like how can someone listening to this start implementing this in their day-to-day?
Speaker 2:Number one, first thing, nobody. This is a shocker to me. In fact, it still gives me goosebumps. Nobody can take your power from you, nobody it's impossible. Yeah, we give our power away quill by quill because we think that we're going to have somebody love us.
Speaker 2:We're going to something is going to be better, our boss is going to, we're going to be able to keep the job. We make the decision to give our power away. So the first thing is if you can determine your worth and you really dig deep and you take out all the self-esteem stuff of like I did this, I did that, look at me, do Wow and you just go. I am so valuable, I was made for a reason. I have gifts to give the world. Here they are and I'm no longer going to give my power away. It can start to turn everything around. So that's number one. Number two is that we have so many roles right With your mother or wife, you know, working and all these other things so like to have, sometimes to have self-love. We don't even know what we like anymore, which is kind of odd.
Speaker 2:Wow Instead of like you might be with somebody and say what's your favorite kind of ice cream? Well, I don't know. I don't know. Well, it is deep, but I don't know. You know, like we don't know ourselves anymore Because we're. Isn't it interesting that eyes look out and yet what the important thing is is all inside?
Speaker 1:yeah, so I think about that often right.
Speaker 2:So I think another thing is to know ourselves to, or or we, we know ourselves.
Speaker 1:I don't know, that's a word right now.
Speaker 2:We know yourself, so you can you start to find out what you love to do. Then a third thing is and this is like this is the hardest thing unless you've gone through something, live your life as if nobody's watching, and that's so counterintuitive to today's world, isn't it?
Speaker 2:I mean we're all looking for likes and followers and everything else, and yet we feel how many of us feel tremendous stress to be the thing so that we get followed rather than to be ourselves, so that we feel good.
Speaker 2:I mean, that would change the whole world right there. Because I mean, you know, it feels. Sometimes it feels a little funny when I think to myself oh my gosh, here I was on three occasions struggling for my life, you know, physically, and yet, and yet it's like, please, god, please, let me be able to just walk, let me be able to just cook and, by the way, can I have a Broadway musical? It's almost the disparity of the two is kind of comical. And yet I'm taking my own advice and just like, regardless of whether this just like blows up and just is amazing and everybody's like, it's like what I've always known, that it can be yes, or whether I just have to say I gave it my best try, it doesn't matter, it's in me, it's in my soul, it's in every cell. And when we've got that man, take my hand, let's leap as if nobody's watching and see what happens.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love that. I love that. I mean, I say all the time that a lot of the times, you may have a dream inside your heart and it's not going to make sense to anyone else. No, it's never. And you still have to go for it.
Speaker 2:No, One of the things that I found and I've done so many things that this has happened is like I can like the musical. I can see every aspect of it, the costuming, the song, I mean like everything as if it's done, as if I'm sitting here watching it and watching the audience. But when I was trying to explain it without pictures and songs, nobody could see the magnitude of it. And then when they start to see the pieces they're like they catch up. Yeah, they're like oh, now.
Speaker 1:I understand.
Speaker 2:Now I get it. And producers, like executive producers, are probably the worst at this. It's sort of like, yeah, show me the traction and show me the concept and then I'll jump on and it's like okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:Goodness, beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Okay, so I want to gosh, let's, let's take maybe another swing back, because there are a lot of women listening also to this podcast who are either have walked through grief, trauma, trauma or loss, or they're walking through that right now.
Speaker 2:What would you say to that woman who is ready to rise wants to thrive, but she doesn't know where to start.
Speaker 1:Okay. Well, I have to say hand on heart.
Speaker 2:I care, yeah, I care, I care profoundly. It even makes me tear up a little bit.
Speaker 2:Every time anybody asks something like that, it's like when you, when everything is taken away, or you've given away so many quills and you really, really don't know how to get them back. And this is so easy to say and so hard to do. Self-love is the answer. Self-love to know that you're not a burden, to know that you still have value, to know that there's a lesson to be learned, even in the depths of despair. It's hard to understand that, but sometimes I'll give you a couple of for instances Sometimes I'm I have always been my entire life a huge giver, Huge, huge, huge, huge, huge.
Speaker 2:And then, when I was on the other side, there was so long where I didn't want anybody to give to me. I was actually ashamed of that. It's like, no, I want to be self-sufficient. No, I don't want to be vulnerable. No, I don't want to be weak, Any of those things. And over time it's like well, what if this is part of my mission in life, to understand what it feels like when people give to me? I mean how selfish of me not to allow them to give. I mean, here, I thought that was such a cool thing for me to do. Is it because I want the power to be able to? Well, I'm giving. I mean so to be vulnerable and be in that place of like. All right, here's where I am. Where are the blessings? Let me count the blessings. So hard to do, so hard to do when you're in despair, but at the same time.
Speaker 2:Imagine that there's a soul. Your soul is like recording everything that happens in your life Everything Good, bad, indifferent, the whole thing and your soul is picking up. Oh my gosh, I'm lovable. Look at how this person is helping. Now let's talk about another part of this. There was a time where there was nobody there, no one for me when I was going through that three-year thing for a while I had people, but then, because no doctors were agreeing, I was all alone in the pain, the terror, this.
Speaker 2:You know, the whole feeling like a bird and the whole nine yards. Yes, so let's say that somebody has that where they're not being given to. And then they're like, yeah, debra, that's nice that you say that, but there's nobody here for me, okay.
Speaker 2:I've been there too and under those circumstances, those, those might be the biggest gifts of all, because you do realize that there is something bigger than you. No matter what you believe that bigger thing is, there's something bigger than you that has messages. And if you follow those messages, you sometimes look back and go. I was in corporate but I never smiled. I was really good at what I did, but I had that aura of like I'm a professional, I do things correctly, I don't smile, I just get the job done. But that was never my spirit, never in my soul's path. I was always born to be an artist and probably too sensitive. That is who I am and I had been fighting that until I got hit upside the head hard every time. Yeah, shift to shift more into who I am. So, regardless of what happens next, I'm more the me that I was born to be than all the things that I did to try to fit in.
Speaker 2:And you had asked how Paisley, you know, kind of dovetails with that. Yes, paisley's in this world of supermodels, and the supermodels all have agendas, some of them, some of them is like hey, I don't care about friendship, you know it's like what. Yeah, look, because I want to be a super bundle and some of them are conflicted. It's sort of like why am I wearing this glow worm and goldfinch gown that's couture by zivana, you know, like great for the met gala, but how did that serve me? And here's paisley giving away herself, giving away herself, quill by quill, by quill, by quill by quill, until she's down to her last quill.
Speaker 2:That's how I felt that's how so many people feel that's. That's what I want to bring forward.
Speaker 1:Yes, oh, just you. Just a beautiful and just powerful message for people to hear, especially the duality, because sometimes you have people and sometimes sometimes you don't, and I know as mothers we know that very well. I don't have a lot of mothers of newborns who are, you know, they're feeling that. You know sometimes the people are there and then at a certain point they may start to trickle off. It's, it's hard, it's hard.
Speaker 2:It's so hard. I think that's the hardest thing. I think the hardest thing of all is not even physical pain, it's just the sense of abandonment, betrayal, I mean like I've seen it all. I have seen it all and it hurts. One of the biggest things, heavenly, that I have discovered, and you know, being a grandma and all, and this is something I never did. So, man, if I can pass it on as somebody can hear me, that would be wonderful. I've learned how to feel my feelings fully, that is something.
Speaker 2:I never did before. It was always. You know, let me, let me submerge them and go to the happy. Let me think of something else to do rather than feel it. You know anything, but feel it because I thought that you feel it, you die. It's just that you feel it, you die. And what I've learned is no, when you feel something fully, whether it be the despair, the pain, whatever it may be, just you cry it out. You just like go there, you talk to a friend, I mean you, just it doesn't keep on. It's like we are, as a society, addicted to problem solving and we're, like, always trying to figure out the problem, figure out the problem, figure out the problem, figure out the problem. And guess what? We're concentrating on figuring out the problem, whereas if you feel something fully, it's almost like it dissipates.
Speaker 2:It dissipates just a little bit more and there's more room for creativity and more room for expression and more room for love. And as a mother of a newborn child, or a child per se, it's like. It's like when you're fully expressed let's call it that fully expressed that's where you're going to create the legacy for your child. Yeah, holding back in any area is not going to serve you. In fact, healing means hope, so that means to be healed. Love every aspect of yourself, even the ones that you want to hide forever yeah, oh, that's powerful.
Speaker 1:And yeah, even now, as my myself, as a mother of I guess they're still pretty young, my oldest is seven, so, yeah, I had to. I learned quickly, you know, all the times we, you know we learn that as children, to hold, you know, our emotions back, don't cry, don't scream or what's going on. Let's figure out the problem. And I've had to start stopping myself and saying, okay, they're feeling what they're feeling. I'm just going to be there for them to feel and to talk to me as they need. But we, like it really starts as children and growing up and we have to like reteach that to ourselves, that it's okay to feel feelings that aren't necessarily always the happy, the lucky feelings. That's a part of life and like, like you said, like, feel to the fullest. I love that Goodness. That was going to be my last question.
Speaker 1:If you could leave the Thrive Like a Mother community with any one message today. What would it be? I don't know if you have more for us, but I mean that in itself was beautiful. I feel like we all need that. You know, even if anyone listening to this is not a mother, we all need that as humans to understand that. You know, feeling your emotions to the fullest and living to the fullest is, you know, that's powerful, that's love, that's self-love, self-worth, that's where it starts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think you said it by the name of your podcast. Think you said it by your by the name of your podcast. Thrives like a mother. So when you think, of being a mother. You're birthing something and you don't know how it's gonna turn out never, never.
Speaker 1:There's no rule book, there's no instruction manual. No, no matter how hard you try.
Speaker 2:So I think that you nailed it with the name. Just let that creativity, please, please, be fully yourself. Take that on Thrive and to thrive. What that means for me is that we all have a high point, like in singing. We all have a high point, that high note, you know, and it's sort of like if we can hit that and we go for it, that's that.
Speaker 1:That's so much more of the melody of life than to you know yeah, no, nobody needs to hear or see that they do f not for them, for you, right yeah, yeah, goodness, all right For you.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, yeah, goodness, all right. Well, debra, it was beautiful having you on with us today. Let us know I'm also going to have all the links in the show notes, obviously, but if you want to let people know where they can find your work and learn more about you, learn more how to support the movement, how to keep up with Maisley, because I know that, oh, I can't wait, honestly, to just be able to see that with my daughters, like I'm so excited. But, yes, let the people know where they can find you.
Speaker 2:Okay, so the best I am, because I'm doing this, you know, from my heart. I am putting out a call to everybody, whether you be a singer, a dancer, a producer, just somebody who loves theater.
Speaker 2:Do reach out to me, and all you have to do is DM me at my Instagram, which is Debra, and then period weed, and as far as my, and just share hey, I heard you on Tribe Like a Mother, and you know I've been wanting to sing and I think I'm really talented, but I'm looking for areas to do that. That would be amazing. And then also, people can find me at paisleysfashionforestcom and there's also a form that you can fill out. Same kind of thing, you know, even if you just want to get involved and you want to be on the mailing list, I want to hear from you.
Speaker 2:You know, because I don't want to do this alone. I want to have everybody kind of walking with me, and then theselfworthinitiativenet, initiativenet. So those are three places, that and all social media, but that you can find me and I care about you and I'm so you know, ebony, I just thank you so much. I get so excited, you know, speaking to some people who really want to share things that matter, things that matter.
Speaker 1:Yes, and you do. Yes, I do. Thank you for coming on, for reaching out and for sharing your story and just the movement with us. I know, like you said, you're not going to be doing this alone at all. I know my listeners. They'll be reaching out and contacting you and sharing and helping just in whatever way possible. Just to bring Paisley to the forefront.
Speaker 2:Yes, and for all of your listeners quills up, guys, quills up.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for listening love. If anything in today's episode resonated with you, share it with your bestie or share it on social media and tag me so we can chat about it. Share it on social media and tag me so we can chat about it. As always, sending you light and love, and remember you are worthy, you are enough and you deserve to thrive.
