Thrive Like a Mother Podcast

Love that adapts

• Ebony Fleming • Season 4 • Episode 59

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A birthday turns into a love letter to growth. Gerald, my husband, joins me on the mic for his 34th and ended up tracing our family story arc. From two restless freshmen in a class we couldn’t stand to a home full of tiny feet, takeout picnics, and an unexpected sense of calm.

 

Along the way we unpack the myth that a four-year degree is the only path to a good life. And why chasing titles left us more anxious than secure. The shift came when we started designing for resilience: skills over status, options over ego, and a family baseline we can always return to.

 

Parenting remade our definition of love. Gerald talks about learning patience and empathy as daily practices as a father. We get honest about dividing roles by strengths, protecting our children from adult stress, and using simple rituals to reconnect—dance breaks in the kitchen, a shared plate, a song that time-warps us back to the early days. Comfort became our north star, not as an excuse to coast, but as proof we built a safe landing when life throws us curveballs.

 

Gerald leaves us with a simple piece of relationship advice: step outside your ego to find a path forward together. If you’re craving practical, tender takeaways on partnership, parenting, career choices, and creating a steady home, this episode is for you.

 

If this resonated, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs a reminder that love can adapt, and leave a quick review so more parents and partners can find the show.


Thank you so much for listening in! If this episode spoke to you, it would mean the world to me if you left a review or shared it with a friend. And don’t forget to tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me spread the word.

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Podcast account - @thrivelikeamother.podcast

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Sending you light and love always!

SPEAKER_02:

Hey look, I'm Ebony and welcome to Thrive Like a Mother. On this podcast, we're scared for our truth, but that fear is what leads us too. You're in the right place if you feel like you're stuck in survival mode and you're ready to step into food methods. I'll share resources and tools I use daily to help you in your journey with helping your mindset and to break the wheel of survival. The journey may not be easy, but you won't have to face it alone. I'm a mama of three healing day by day from past trauma, and I'm on a mission to build a life I've always dreamed of, but never thought was possible. So love, if you're ready to believe in what's possible, let's link arms and thrive together. Okay, uh hey, welcome to another episode of the Thrive Like a Mother podcast. And y'all, today's extra, extra special because it's not gonna be just another conversation. This is a celebration, y'all. Uh, my husband, Gerald, he is turning 34. And we're not just celebrating his birthday this year, but we are also gonna be talking about 15 years together, y'all. 15 years. That's a whole, that's a whole person, right? From being just college kids, really trying to figure life out to building a home, a family, lots of memories in between. And so I thought it would be fun to bring him on the show for the first time and really just reflect on everything we've learned about love, growth, parenting, partnership. So, welcome to the podcast. Hello. Okay, okay. I don't want to get too deep too fast because 15 years, y'all. That that's a long time. But let's start here. How does it feel to be turning 34 years old?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh, it's a bit surreal. Um, I feel like after you pass a certain age, it's just another year. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think after I hit 30, everything else feels like I hit 30 of the year.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it does kind of feel like that. When you think about the past 15 years, what's what memory that comes in mind first for you?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, let's see. From the 15 last 15 years, I think Libby being born was probably the biggest one. Uh that's our first uh oldest daughter.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Um and yeah, I think that was the the biggest if if the first thing that comes to mind, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. If you could go back to little college, Ebony and Gerald, right? Little little people, what advice would you give to us?

SPEAKER_00:

I would say to practice, not practice, but to be more mindful of financials and know that school life isn't the only thing that makes a career.

SPEAKER_02:

That's a good one. Let's dig deeper into that one. Um, because me and a friend, even just last night, we were having a conversation about getting college degrees and how sometimes we put so much into, you know, you get your college degrees. I mean, that's how we grew up, right? You go to a high school and you're going to college. But what can you share with the listeners about what other paths there are available, right? Besides just going and getting a college degree.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh yeah. So when we were growing up, it was mostly like uh you had to go to college to be successful. That's the way it's always been. And over the years, college has become more and more expensive, and jobs have markets have been more and more uh tricky to the point where you some sometimes you can't afford to just wait till you're done with a four-year degree to start like going out into the world. I think it's important to identify what you actually want to do, and then know that college is just a tool to achieving that. And there are other tools out there, boot camps, technical colleges, uh skills trades or whatnot to get to where you want. You it's not just you have to go to through college to get there. It's it's just one of the tools that you have at your spokes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I love that. Yeah, one of the tools in your toolbox, y'all. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Okay, so I think it's a little bit crazy to think, and I was trying to think the other night, I was like, wow, you know, I've known you for half your life. We're not there yet. We have like two more years until that. But we've basically grown up together and we've both seen different versions of each other throughout this life. Um, like it's it's it's wild to me. Wild. Um, so what do you let's talk about when we first met and we're starting adulthood? What do you remember most about that season?

SPEAKER_00:

Um it was freshman year of college, and we were in the same orientation class that we both hated at the time. For different career majors, we we were in different majors that we didn't really click with. And the class was kind of just like, I don't know, it was it was a little bit like, okay, this is why I don't want to be in this major. Basically. So our minds kind of wandered, and um, I think we just saw each other from across the room. Of course, I was also uh next to my friend at the time.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, shout out to Victor. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And uh basically we were kind of just not really in it because it just wasn't a fit. So we kind of just our mind distracted, and I guess we just distracted to each other.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Goodness. How do you think that's a lot, y'all, but how do you think we've changed since then as individuals and as a couple?

SPEAKER_00:

Think well, I think for the most part we've matured. Uh, we've had a lot of experiences, uh, both good and bad, uh, kind of just dealing with how do you, I won't say survive, but thrive in an adult setting. Um, so we we really went from our young adults uh age into adulthood together, um, which I guess is unique. Uh some people meet once they're like full-grown adults, but uh, we really got to kind of grow together, you know.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. What's oh, this is a good one. What is something that we used to think was like a huge deal and now we can laugh about it?

SPEAKER_00:

We were very worried about our jobs or our I don't know if it's jobs, but the jobs that we had at the time. They weren't necessarily jobs that we really cared about or were like in our career at that time. And I think we were so focused on just getting through the job. We weren't really thinking about like career growth and stuff like that at that time, not as much. And that only came later on after like uh companies would have layoffs and stuff, and then you start saying, Hey, this is not a stable way to kind of live here. So I think we took our careers more seriously over time.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. So it's kind of like just stressing about things that maybe we didn't have to stress out about at the time, especially where we where we are now, especially with just job security in general. I think back then we were very like, oh no, we've got to like stay in this role, you know, we've got to climb the ladder. That's how we're gonna, you know, get to our financial goals. And now we know very much different.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what I said.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. So you talked about Olivia being like one of I guess one of the most pivotal moments in our relationships as individuals. Yeah, being being parents together really did change everything. If you had one lesson you've learned about yourself through fatherhood, what would that be?

SPEAKER_00:

I think the thing that's wearable fatherhood, I mean, like the most important thing is probably being more empathetic and I guess patient. Because these little tiny humans have like their own thoughts, fears, anxieties and stuff. And it's important to navigate that in a kind of sensitive way because they're still learning things. Um, but they yeah, it's got more patient empathy, I guess.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah, and I even say it every once in a while, even if like Olivia will be getting hard on herself. I'm like, hey, baby, you've only been on this earth for like seven years. Don't be so hard on yourself. You still have a lot more just to learn. Okay, so how how has parenting made our relationship stronger?

SPEAKER_00:

I feel like we are more collaborative uh when it comes to parenting because we both have kind of a I guess a business term state. We uh we also have been able to better uh kind of define what I guess maybe I'm better at something and you're better at this and something of that nature when it comes to taking care of the kids. And um, I think it makes things much easier and less stressful, especially on those uh times you'll notice it on the times when you're like when when you're just alone with the kids for a few days or something of that nature, you'll just notice it.

SPEAKER_02:

And what surprised you or has surprised you most about me as a mom? Let's see.

SPEAKER_00:

The most surprising thing about you is that you really value the I guess the not the peaceful moments, but like the time when um things are kind of in a good, like not good spot, but like a storm, uh you you value that you have time to do things like hobbies and stuff like that. And you you find that as a uh kind of a a benefit because some because when we first met, I thought you were very uh I guess career focused and stuff, but I I think it's it's very surprising and admintable that you you want you know when to kind of slow down and kind of like really um feed your inner, you know, your inner uh problem bear.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, so the the one thing that surprised me about you as a dad. Ooh, I don't know if it's a surprise, but more of just like I love the way that you can always keep things, you know how you're just like it's not that serious. It's just I don't you have this way of yeah, kids are chaotic. Let's let's just say that kids can be chaotic and they have a lot of emotions, lots of just you know, roller coaster things happening, and you can always just be that steady person to be like, okay, you can be that. I'm right here. Let's get back to level. So you just yeah, you just have that way with them of bringing them back to a steady level. What do you think we've done well as a teen, even when things didn't get hard?

SPEAKER_00:

I think the thing we've done the best is not letting things that are happening like in the world or maybe even like between us affect how we raise our kids. You know, I think that they're relatively other than their own drama, but they are pretty protective and pretty uh, how do you say, I don't want to say ignorant, but they're very happy, I guess, if we could say that. You know, not that there's like a whole bunch of like negative things or whatever, but like I think we've done a good job of separating our work life and like life outside, uh and their growth and you know, mama and dad, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, of course, like later on, I'm I'm okay with this if they want like oh, what do you do? Well, what are you striving with? That's definitely yeah. But I mean, I think as they grow up, I think they it's it's okay to have kind of a safe environment to kind of you know be themselves. They don't they shouldn't have to worry about like a bill or something or or something like that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. I hope that answer. So I think it's really powerful to take a second to reflect and see that even in like the hard moments, in the sleepless nights, which sometimes we're still in in the transitions, which we're very much still in. Our youngest is one and a half. We're in wine toddler city right now. Um it's rough, but we still find a way just to show up for each other. So if you could describe our relationship in one word, what would that be?

SPEAKER_00:

In one word, I would say I think it was the uh keep making comfy. I was gonna say comfy. Yeah, I think comfy. I think that yeah, I think I feel like in our relationship, we find ways to make each other comfortable, I guess. Um because there's a lot of things going on. Yeah, I think once when I think that's kind of the thing that's special about us is that we always find a way back to like a a baseline that's comfortable, you know?

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. What's one thing that you've learned about love from us being together this long?

SPEAKER_00:

One thing I've learned about love is that it it adapts and it changes over time. And you also have to be kind of cognitive of that people change as well. And I think that you shouldn't see that as like a d deter, but you're as you're uh kind of seeing or forming or or awakening to who the other person actually is, you know. And I think I think that's kind of magical. And that I guess that's why I like uh marriage in general, is because uh really we're just kind of growing together, you know.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. We're just evolving over time. Okay, let's share with the people because I'm sure they want to know. We have three kids, right? Three little ones. What is something that helps us stay connected through all the changes we go through in life? Careers, kids, all the all the chaos. What's one thing that just keeps us leaked?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, it's gonna be silly, but I feel like because we're such footies, anytime it this doesn't matter on the situation or whatever. If we if either of us see something that's like super yummy or a recipe that's really interesting or something, it's it's kind of like a drop everything and look, it's like, oh my gosh, what is that? I think that's uh a little bit of uh madness thing. So I I guess I could say that I guess food is has kind of was connected, which is as weird as the way sound, but like it it seems like anytime depending regardless of the situation or I guess the emotional state, uh food kind of brings us back together.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah, even mid-bite if we're eating the same thing, don't we have the the same reaction? Like equal, did you taste those flanders? Yeah, okay. What what do you think keeps our partnership now strong versus like back then in the early days, like even before kids? Let's see.

SPEAKER_00:

I think what keeps our relationship strong is kind of a little bit of uh a little trust, you know. Um, because I can trust that if say I drop the ball somewhere that you'll kind of pick it up, and then you can also trust that if you become overwhelmed, I'll try to bring it back to the baseline type of thing. So I think I think we balance each other pretty well.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, so let's end in a fun way. Uh so we're gonna do some some fun questions. Okay, first one, who's I don't know the answer to this one, but who's more likely to start a dance party in the kitchen?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, that's actually a tricky one because I think it's both of us, but I guess me.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. He's notorious for just like taking his phone, putting on a playlist, and next thing you know, all the kids, all of us for just dating. Oh yeah, they love this music. Uh, who takes longer to get ready? You yeah, yes, definitely. Do you have a favorite date night that we've had?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, I like the one where we went to the point. I don't remember what it's called, the parameter point or something. It was just a nice time. We did some walking and we got to see some things. Uh any any date night is a good night night, but like I thought that was special. They had live music and stuff, and we kind of were just like separate from we weren't just mom and dad. I think that's what makes it special.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, yes. Those moments where you can just be, yeah, not parents, just we're just Ebony and Gerald. Yes. What is a song that reminds you of us?

SPEAKER_00:

Um the ET song Katie Perry. Yes. We were listening to that so many times when you're in uh college. Uh I whenever I hear I just think it was uh Yeah, yeah, the early days.

SPEAKER_02:

Hey, what's one thing that you're most proud of about us?

SPEAKER_00:

I am proud of I guess I'm proud that we're I guess succeeding at parenting. I think that's very amenable, you know. Some people, I mean, like it's a struggle. It is a struggle, but I think that we're I I don't think we're bad parents, I think we're good parents. I think we're very good parents.

SPEAKER_02:

I think so too. Okay, so when you think about the next year, your 34th year, what is something that you are hoping for?

SPEAKER_00:

Or are you not looking forward to? I'm actually looking forward to maybe getting Livy into some sports or something, or maybe an activity. She l had a trial of like cooking this year, and she loved it. I think if we could get her more into that space where she's meeting other people and following instructions and stuff like that, I think it'll be very good for her for us. I'm looking forward to that. Uh you mean for me or something.

SPEAKER_02:

What about for me? What's something you're looking forward to or hoping for your for yourself? Outside of dad mode. Uh well, let me see.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's hard to come out uh parent mode it is. I asked for next year. I'm looking forward to what I can do for the backyard, I guess. Because I mean we haven't done anything with the backyard.

SPEAKER_02:

I just got so excited, y'all.

SPEAKER_00:

And I think we're gearing it up and very we we talked about it like a whole bunch. And I think that'd be a good project. Uh this is like the next level of after youth gardening and stuff. But uh, we really wanna like like some love into it. Yeah, some love. Yeah. Um, probably it's fine, but you know, the backyard could use some work, and I think it could be a good space. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. So we are coming down to the end. I uh wanna end really with he's looking, y'all. I have the okay, transparency here. I have the teleprompter up. Of course, he's looking at the teleprompter, seeing what I'm about to say. But thank you. I just want to say thank you for first of all being willing to come on the podcast with me. I know this is not really a space that you like to to pop on. If y'all notice, like he does not do social media, he doesn't post, he doesn't do all those things, right? But he was like, Yeah, I'll come on the podcast with you. Yeah. So just thank you. Thank you for loving me, for sticking with me through all these years. You've seen a lot of versions, a lot of versions of me. And just for just for continuing to be my person through it all, my steadiness, my person that if I'm like spiraling and crashing out, like I know like I can come to you and you're just gonna be like, it's fine. Like it's yeah, oh yeah. All right, y'all. I'm gonna let you end it. I want you to leave our listeners one piece of advice about love or partnership. What would that be?

SPEAKER_00:

I would say that sometimes you have to take yourself out of a situation to find a path forward with your partner. A lot of times I think that ego or you know, kind of just like focusing on how stuff affects you dilutes what you're trying to establish with your partner.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, what a good, what a good way to end it. Um, so I'm so glad I was able to share this episode with you, y'all. This is the birthday guy. So make sure you go and comment, tell him happy birthday, celebrate with us. Uh 34. 34. Are we excited?

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Good news. All right, y'all. I will see you on the next episode. Bye. Thank you so much for listening, Love. If anything in today's episode resonated with you, share it with your bestie or share it on social media and tag me so we can chat about it. As always, sending you light and love. And remember, you are worthy, you are enough, and you deserve to thrive.

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Ebony Fleming

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