Thrive Like a Mother Podcast

Finding Home Beyond Four Walls

• Ebony Fleming • Season 4 • Episode 61

Share episode

What if buying a home wasn't just a financial decision but a turning point in your story?

 

In this episode, we sit down with Scott Harris; top New York City agent and author of The Pursuit of Home. We unpack why the path to your front door is your hero journey and how a clear vision transforms stress into momentum. Scott’s childhood of moving between parents taught him how place shapes identity, and that insight powers his people-first approach to real estate and life.

 

Scott and I reframe home as a launch pad for the life you’re building. Scott shares how to slow down, build a vision before you tour, and interview agents with better questions so you feel seen and supported. We dig into his signature Magnetic Method—Activate, Align, Amplify, Attract—a simple framework that helps buyers and builders clarify what matters, rally the right partners, and stay the course when the market feels noisy. From negotiating in a high-pressure city to guiding anxious clients through big transitions, Scott shows how empathy and structure reduce overwhelm and lead to better outcomes.

 

You’ll get grounded habits you can use today: protect a quiet hour in the morning, limit doomscrolling about rates and politics, and communicate your vision with people who lift you. We talk about couples with different styles, the surprising stat that most buyers hire the first agent they meet, and why intention beats urgency.

 

Most of all, we return to a powerful truth: a well-chosen home can host community, launch a business, and anchor healing. If you’re navigating change—new parenthood, divorce, or a fresh start—this conversation offers a roadmap and the reminder that you don’t have to do it alone.

 

Connect with Scott:

Instagram: @scottieharris

LinkedIn: Scott Harris


Thank you so much for listening in! If this episode spoke to you, it would mean the world to me if you left a review or shared it with a friend. And don’t forget to tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me spread the word.

Follow and chat with me on Instagram:

Podcast account - @thrivelikeamother.podcast

Personal account - @thrive.empowered

Sending you light and love always!

SPEAKER_00:

Hey love, I'm Ebony and welcome to Thrive Like a Mother. On this podcast, we're scared for our truth, but that fear is what fuels us to truly live in it. You're in the right place if you feel like you're stuck in survivor mode and you're ready to step into who you were truly meant to be. I'll share resources and tools I use daily to help you in your journey towards a healthier mindset and to break the wheel of survival. The journey may not be easy, but you won't have to face it alone. I'm a mama of three healing day by day from past trauma, and I'm on a mission to build a life I've always dreamed of, but never thought was possible. So, love, if you're ready to believe in what's possible, let's ling arms and thrive together. Hey loves and welcome back to another episode of the Thrive Like a Funner Podcast. Of course, I'm your host, Ebony, and today I am welcoming a guest on With Us whose journey y'all is truly rooted in something that every one of us is familiar with, and that's home. Scott Harris, he is a top real estate agent in New York City with over$1.5 billion in sales. But y'all, what really makes his story unique is not just the success, it is the heart behind it. It is growing up as a child of divorce and constantly moving. Scott really developed a deep understanding of how where we live truly shapes how we feel. And he's author, also the author of an upcoming book called The Pursuit of Home, which really digs deep and explores into what home really means, not just physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. And so, Scott, welcome to the show. I'm glad you're here and honestly honored for you to just be able to share your story with our listeners today. And I really want to just start with the beginning of your story because, you know, in us meeting, um, you shared with me how you were constantly moving between your homes um during your childhood. So can you just start with sharing just what that experience was like and what it really taught you about people?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, first thanks, Ebony, for having me on. It's it's great to be here and to talk about the book and and to talk about how I I poured myself into the book and it started really. Uh I'll start in the middle and then go back. When I first got into real estate in New York, I was in the rental side of things, which is very it's a it's a huge rental market in New York, but it felt like a hustle. I worked every day, grinding, grinding, grinding, and I was really good at it, but it felt very emotionally unsatisfying. It was money, but there was there was no meaning, right? And I started into the sales side of things and I closed a sale for a a little old lady, a little tiny studio apartment. She was this really wonderful Italian woman, classy and great. And she she had gotten divorced and moved to New York. I helped her find this high floor apartment. She didn't need it to be big, but she she looked out onto the river and it was really satisfying. And all of a sudden, I was realizing, wait a minute, this is something different.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And as I spent more time exploring that, I started to realize that it was helping other people find homes was doing something for me emotionally. And I started thinking about my childhood. So kind of going back to your question, was that um my parents got divorced when I was eight, which was a really, for me, a very kind of impressional. I was a really impressionable, precocious kid. And it really knocked me for a loop. And I went back and forth every week or every two weeks between my parents. At first, it was like a few days at a time, then it grew to a week in week on, week off. And then it was two weeks, two weeks in, and only when I was in college did I stop moving. Did I stay in one place for more than you know, two weeks at a time? And that was really I didn't know where I was. You know, you wake up sometimes, you don't know where you are, you are, and and I it it was definitely an interesting way to grow up. And I'm not saying I I had parents who love me and I'm really blessed to have those, you know, to have them in my life. But it was a hard for me.

SPEAKER_00:

That is understandable. Gosh, how did that experience dress um as a child? And then you're talking about your experience with your your first sale with a little old woman. Like, how did that start to shape how you work with families now and today?

SPEAKER_02:

Once I started getting into helping people buy apartments, buy homes, it was a different level of getting to know someone. It wasn't like, oh, you need a rental two weeks from now. Let's go do this. That's very transactional.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

But what I started to realize is that with people and getting to know them, it was more about a transition. And people are looking to do something more in their lives. And so their home is you know, the way I describe it in the book, your home is a launch pad for whatever you're trying to do. Finding the home and like moving in, that's not the end. It's the beginning. Right. So I'm helping people set their life up so that they can go and live it. And so it just became bigger and more uh I it felt like more and more of a sacred calling. If that makes sense. Like it's I know that real estate agents have these terrible reputations. Oh, you know, like it's like you're one step above like a tow, a tow truck driver, you know, like something like that. And and at the same time, I realized that actually it's something much, much bigger. That if you treat yourself like somebody that you're just trying to get deals done, then guess what? You're that person that's one step up from the truck driver, the tow truck driver. But if you treat yourself like I'm doing something uh really, really fundamentally important for my clients, it changes the game completely. And so over time it started to open my eyes as to what I could really help people do. And I've seen I've had clients, it's New York. So we see people who are up to big stuff. They moved to New York, people writing best-selling books and people launching massive companies and people who are like leaders in their industries. And it's it's it is a joy to meet them at their most stressed and their most worried and frustrated and anxious. You know, they're human beings like everybody else. Everybody goes through this, and it's it is a stressful transition. And to get to hold them, metaphorically speaking, you know, figuratively speaking, it's been um, you know, over time it becomes more and more clear what is I'm doing.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. That is that is powerful. Yeah. And you I think about it now. Think about just me and my family and our process of buying a home. We purchased our home like right after, you know, almost the the end of the pandemic. And things start, you know, people start getting back, started to get back into the groove. And it was very stressful. Very stressful. It's a lot. And it's important to have, like you said, those real estate agents out there that truly understand like what it is to be in that position. Um, and understand like what the importance of home is, not only just for that family and you know, really for their future. Um, so I want to dig into the book a little more, The Pursuit of Home. Um, what led you to to write this book? What inspired you truly to write it?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, it started by just a desire to write down all of the stories of of all of the crazy things. If you can imagine that New York is a lot of things on steroids, and real estate is definitely one of these things that's it's people want to think of it as hyper competitive. It's on TV and all this. For me, it's just I'm helping people do their thing, but the stories are crazy. And I just started writing them. And then about three years ago, I was at a real estate conference. I was jet lagged, I was up in the middle of the night, and I was listening to a conversation between an interview with a this is like an old interview, like late 80s, between a guy named Bill Moyers, who actually just passed away, and an author and a and a really deep thinker named Joseph Campbell, who wrote a the sort of the book about what's called the hero's journey. All the myths, all the stories of every culture in the world has this story. And it shows, how do we know it now? It shows up in Disney movies, it shows up in Star Wars. It's that that young person who has all these skills. It's Moana, you know, like she's gifted and she doesn't know it and she's going through this whole process. And at the end, she comes into her power. And it occurred to me that the home buying journey is a hero's journey. You go into it and you go through this emotional journey that, and by the way, every homebuyer goes through some version of this and no one talks about it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And so what I live it. And so it occurred to me, wait a minute, if everybody goes through this, and 65% of Americans own their homes, Evan. So it's like the most common emotional, spiritual journey that people take. More people buy a home than maybe go to church. You know what I mean? So I looked around. Surely somebody's talking about this. And I could not find a book that really talked about it. So I said, well, I'm gonna write this book. And it really felt like a calling to talk about what it is people actually go through step by step by step, and how what's what kind of a roadmap, what kind of a guide can I give them so that they have a better experience?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, yeah. And I think you bring up a great point that, you know, a lot of us go through this and we're not talking to each other about it, you know. And I think, especially on this podcast, I focus a lot on helping people understand, like, hey, you're not alone in this journey. You're not the only one thinking these thoughts. Maybe we have some some differences, obviously, you know, in our journeys. All of our journeys are different, but there are spots where you can really connect with someone and say, like you too. Like, I'm, you know, I'm not the only one dealing with this. So I would love for you to share what is it specifically in your book that you want people to walk away from with? I know you talked about, you know, it's the roadmap, right? Is there anything else specific that you want them to walk away with?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, the the biggest thing is that first the book, the tone, it's very encouraging. You know, this is this isn't meant to scare people away. It's actually meant to say, look, you can do this and you can have a better outcome at the end. So ever the takeaway is you can empower yourself at each step of this journey. And here's how you do it. You know, the premise is it's really hard to get off that couch. It's really hard to like get into action. You need support. You're saying that you're not alone. You don't have to go through this alone, and you're really not going to be alone anyway. So here's how you get to know yourself a little bit better. What's your communication style? How do you choose an agent to work with? You know, the stat, which is that so many people are unhappy, but 70% of 71% of home buyers hire the first agent that they meet. That is a crazy stat. People spend more time planning their weekend vacation than they do planning, you know, hiring the person that's going to make such a massive impact in their life. So if there's any one takeaway, it's like, look, you have the power to be a little more intentional, prepare a little bit more. And as scary as it is, it doesn't have to be scary. You just have to, here's what, here's the whole process, you know, and step by step so that you don't have to be full of all of this doubt and anxiety and you can go in ready for what may show up for you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Jeez, yeah. That perspective, especially the you you almost have to have like an interview process with.

SPEAKER_02:

And I lay it out in the book. I lay it out. Like, here are the questions you ask. Does this person how do you feel when you interview with this person? Do you feel like they're seeing you and hearing you and understanding what you're going through? And of course, because almost three quarters of home buyers are a couple. So often you have two different communication styles. You have to have an agent who can speak both languages, right?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And so I'm not saying you have to have any, like I've been doing this for more than two, 20 years. I'm not saying you have to have a 20-year-old vet. There are plenty of amazing agents. I've interviewed them for the book and for my podcast that they're incredible. They've been doing this for four years. They just have a gift. So it's it's really about choosing somebody that works for you. It's not about like, I don't have the answer. You are in the whole book. It's like you have the knowledge inside of you. We just have to get it out. And so there's a lot of there's a lot of tips about how to find the answers within yourself.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow. Yes. I love that. I love that. So I want to switch, I want to switch gears a little bit because because I have you, and I know there are a lot of moms and women who live to listen to the podcast and they have dreams of like building a business and really don't know where to start. And obviously, Scott, you have built a very successful real estate business in New York. What do you think really sets your people first approach apart from everyone else?

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Well, there's there are a couple of things in there that I'd want to address. One, I end up working with a lot of, and I have worked with lots of women who are buying homes on their own. And buying a home is really an entrepreneurial venture because there's no, you have to build a vision of what it is that you would love. And so, you know, what sets me apart, you talked about people first. It's very much a vision-driven process that I'm focused on the people and getting to know them and allowing for more intuition to come into the process. Yes, we know what we're doing. We're amazing negotiators. We've sold$2 billion of real estate. So I mean, it's it's the proof is there and the system works.

unknown:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

And because so many people are unhappy with the process, I've like, what's the harm? What's the downside to trying it in in the way that we recommend? Which is build a vision first, build a first draft of your vision, and then slowly get to know better and better through our method of how that is going to clarify your vision. You're building towards something. And so what separates us, I think, is our ability to engage with the people in front of us, in front of us. And I there's a four-step process that I call the magnetic method. I think it would work for building any business, anything else. It's about how do you activate that burning desire for home? Activate. That's step one. Two, aligning. It's called align, align all the parties, get everybody rowing in the same direction.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

If you're building a business, you know, you don't need to be hanging out with the people who aren't supporting you. You know who the people who are your biggest fans, and you know the people that are like, huh, what is she doing? Like, like kind of judging silently. You know, though you want to find your fans. You want to find your fan base to support you. And so aligning everybody, getting everybody rowing in the same direction is huge, whether you're buying a house or whether you're building a business. And then the third step is amplify. We're really focused on like provoking the right answers, clarifying your vision, doing all these things so like you get clearer and clearer on what it is you're doing. I think a lot of people get scared when they have some setbacks growing a business. I've had so many setbacks, my gosh, you know, over the years, and people leaving the team and deals falling apart, you name it. You know, we've gone through it, but that's not the point, the time when you give up. It's like, okay, what is there to be learned? And it's like just continuing on because it you're getting clear all the time about what you do, what you do well. And then ultimately the fourth step is attract. That's why we call it the magnetic method, because the clearer your vision, the more the answers and more the the resources show up for you. Yeah. And I think it's it's one of those things that to tell a super smart, super successful person that we're going to build a vision and then your home is going to be delivered to you, that sounds crazy.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

A little bit.

SPEAKER_00:

A little bit. Yeah, but trust the process.

SPEAKER_02:

Go talk to every talented real estate agent out there, and they will tell you the same thing. We got clear, we got clear, there was nothing available, but all of a sudden we got a much better sense of what they were looking for, and they the house showed up the next day again and again and again. So maybe it sounds a little woo-woo, maybe it sounds a little out there, but I it's it, I see it in my business and it works. And it's a much the more that the client, the home buyer, can focus on what is important to them and let us just hold that space for them, yeah, the better the outcome.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02:

And instead of fighting back and fighting, it's like allow it to come to you. You know, you got to go see a lot of property in business. You got to take a lot of action. You got to kiss a lot of frogs, you know, all you got to do the work, but you can do it with the knowing, like, okay, I've got my vision. I know what I'm going for. I know what I'm going for. Some days are good, some days you can't see what the progress.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So a long answer to a short question.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. No, that was that was perfect, especially in trusting the process. A lot of the times you, I mean, all the time, really, you don't see the end result until you get there, right? You really have to just keep trusting and staying curious. So I want to chat to a lot of the women in this community. They are in those seasons of transition, right? They're either their new mothers, maybe they're going through a divorce, maybe they are working on, you know, building their family, going through healing journeys. Can you give them some ways, some practices of your own that help them stay grounded during those big life shifts, especially when they are looking for a home?

SPEAKER_02:

Wow. I mean, I feel honored that you'd ask the question. Yeah. You know, I I for me, beginning of the day before the house, I have three kids. I have an amazing wife. She's incredible. And I'm really nothing works without our partnership. But that early morning time where I can kind of sit in more of a quiet house and just be grateful for all that I all that I have that I've gotten to build. And I like to say I like co-created it with God. And to be able to give yourself that gift every day um, I think is a really important practice, and that can be a walk. And, you know, I I don't claim that everybody's got, you know, a perfect situation like that, but you can do things like not check your email for the first hour of your day. You know, that's something you can choose to do. That, you know, your check your to-do list is your to-do list, and that email is somebody else's to do list. So like don't get sucked into your day before. I think those are easy, actionable things you can do. Like I know kids go to bed, you know. I I my my kids are youngest as nine, but I still remember how crazy it gets at night. But like, yeah, don't watch as much TV. You can go to bed a tiny bit earlier and get up a little earlier. Like it it's you're not giving up uh your life, you know. I think there's a lot of things you can do to manage your your own mindset. And I tell people all the time, certainly during the home search, yes, stop watching the news. Oof. Stop watching the news. Yeah. Stop watching the news. You know what? Mortgage rates and inventory and all this other stuff that's like, oh, you know, and and whoever gets elected and whoever's doing what, and whatever political side of the, you know, whatever side of the fence you think you're on, it doesn't matter. You're trying to move forward in your life. Yes. You know? Like, if you just stay close to your vision for what you're trying to do and keep talking. The thing that I think women do better than men by a long shot is communication. I think women run businesses in a month. And I've seen my operations person, her name is Karen. She's incredible and like just the communication line needs to stay open. So finding a home, just to shift it to the home piece, you have to be willing to share your vision with other people. Not everybody, not that judgmental cousin, not the aunt that's like thinking that you're too cool. And you're like, oh, you know, when you get your bonus and you're saving money, don't go and talk to the person who's gonna ruin your good mood. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I gotta but share the vision with people, share your vision with the people who are gonna support you because the more you talk about it, the more you're you get more clear about it. And then you can share it with your real estate agent and you can just put it out there in the world.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Guess what? It's true of building your business. If you don't communicate it because you're afraid, well, what if it doesn't play out that way? What if it doesn't? What if it doesn't?

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, if it's not you're not gonna die. I mean, how many like I I just wrote this book. Scariest process ever. I've got this thing that I've been writing, and then all of a sudden I have to share it with with agents and like try to sell it, you know, get the book to get it to a publisher, and you hear no a ton. And some agents are like, well, why don't you write the book about like make it a tell all? Go make it like a gossipy thing. I'm like, that would be the furthest thing I ever want to do. I love my clients and I want to honor them, but you have to put it out there. You have to be willing to know I'm gonna get some rejection in this, and things aren't gonna go how I expect. But the more you share it, it's amazing how much shows up to help you. You know, just like the universe wants you to have that home you love. The universe wants to see you have a successful business. And I mean, I know it's like, you know, you can sort of hear like, oh, you know, like the doubts and fears and whatever. And it makes sense. You know, it's not, it's not a a straight line. It's usually like crazy. But the more you communicate, the less you, you know, can be afraid. It's like you you just talk about it and then it's out of your body. And I think that's you know, that's a I think something that I have to constantly remind myself of to stay in communication with people.

SPEAKER_00:

That is true. That is true. And I know I talk a lot about this on the podcast about the mental load of moms and how constantly trying to keep all of that, you know, in your head. Sometimes you have to you have to let it out, especially in the home buying process.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Can I can I say something here? Yes. You know, I right. I I'm very lucky. Um, because I I'm more of the visionary person in my in our in our family. My wife is more of the operations. And by the way, you know, so it it's there's a whole day to do with kids and everything else. I mean, it's it's a whole day, and I you know, I think, you know, I think it's incredible how much people get done in their day. So it's if you if it's too much for one person, that's what the agent is for. You know, that's you have to build that team of people who you trust. So I you don't have to do it on your own. Gives give you permission to say, I'm not good at this one thing. I'm gonna find a person to do it. And that's real estate agents get paid to find you a home. That's what they do. And if they care first, you know, they really care about you, they're gonna do it in a way that feels like you're not being sold something. Yes. And so I think you just have to you have to trust your own gut about who to surround yourself with, but do surround yourself with people who are gonna help move things forward.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Yeah. I love that, Scott. Yeah, thank you for sharing. So, as a father and soon-to-be publish author, I love seeing, I love seeing the book in the back there. What kind of legacy are you hoping to build?

SPEAKER_02:

This is, you know, it's one of these things. When I was speaking to my uh publisher, Matt Holt about the book coming out, he's like, Well, why did you write this book? You know, are you trying to grow your business? You're trying to make, you know, make a bunch of money or whatever. And I was like, look, I want to make an impact. I want to change the conversation around home buying. Because it's gotten very much about the transaction and then on TV, it's all about, you know, the, you know, the especially in New York. And I know all of these agents. I mean, I I rub elbows with all of these folks all the time. And they're great agents, but what they do on TV has nothing to do with what they do in real life. And so if I can change the conversation back to this is what people actually go through, this is what you're gonna go through, and turn it into a much because it's it's on the top five most stressful things people put themselves through. You know, it's right up there with divorce, like you were talking about, or losing a loved one, or moving as a concept is really stressful. So if if you have a better handle on what you're gonna go through, you're gonna have a better experience, you're gonna have a less stressful experience, you might even have a fun experience. And so I really think my if there's a legacy I want to leave, it's that this conversation needs to change. And I think this book can really help reframe the way people think about home buying. And I will just add one little, you know, tie on to that, which is to say that there's been a lot of talk about, oh, the American dream is dead and you know what people want to achieve in their life and build, you know, that it's not possible anymore. And I want to change that conversation too. I think that people need to hear that their dreams are valuable, that they are valuable, that they can pursue whatever they want to pursue, and that a home isn't separate from that journey. It's actually a huge component of what they're trying to do. And that if they pursue finding a home with the same attitude of like openness and really trying to be carry their lives and grow their lives, the house is gonna help them. It's gonna help build community. It gives them the the foundation to give back. I mean, I talk a lot about in the last chapter of the book about people who start Bible studies in their homes. And that just turns into this whole philanthropy and people who start their businesses under their roof and it turns into something huge. You know, the home is where it starts. Yeah. And um, and I think that if we get any of that sort of more out into the world, I think it'll be a wonderful outcome.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Absolutely. Goodness. All right. Well, Scott, thank you so much for sharing with your heart today and sharing your story with us. But before we go, can you let our listeners know where they can connect it with you, follow your work, and really stay updated on the pursuit of home.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. They can go to pursueyourhome.com if they want to look up all the resources for the book. They want to pre-order the book, which is um, depending on when this comes out, it'll either be still in pre-order or they can buy the book there. And if they want to follow me on socials, I'm very active on LinkedIn and Instagram. So Scotty Harris with an IE, they can find me on Instagram and on LinkedIn, they can look me up. And I talk a lot about more of the nuts and bolts of what it means. It's kind of a heart-centered, business-focused more voice there. But those, those are easy places to to engage. We can talk. I want to talk to home buyers. I want to, wherever they are in the country, you know, I interview people for my podcast and we we try to, it's almost like a therapy session. It's it's like, hey, what are you going through? What are you looking for? And maybe there's some nugget in there, something we can get in and like shift, and then the whole process goes better.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I love that. Gosh. Well, I hope, listeners today, that this episode reminded you that home is more than just four walls. It's really honestly all how we care for ourselves, how we show up for others, and how we can continue to write our stories one choice at a time. So until next time, again, thank you, Scott. Just keep growing, keep healing, and keep thriving. Thank you so much for listening, love. If anything in today's episode resonated with you, share it with your bestie or share it on social media and tag me so we can chat about it. As always, sending you light and love, and remember, you are worthy, you are enough, and you deserve to thrive.

Head Shot

Ebony Fleming

Host